Here are the lyrics to “West of Kiddieland” by Bryan Helm and Marshal Black, music by Helm, Black & Buffer (Fez). As featured in Episode #4 of At-The-Helm. The events that inspired this bit of fun occurred at the Ohio State Fair in 1983.
“West of Kiddieland”
Staring at extremely yellow flowers
Electric giant condos for the cows
The chirping birdman whistles on for hours
Cannibal bugwoman on the prowl
You can ask a policeman for directions
But he just might tell you where to go
The jukebox always plays the same selection
The polka king will be the grandstand show
The vibrating pillows shake my spine, my wallet with the cost
The last thing I remember I was staring at some lambs ass now I’m lost
It’s your mistake to ride the nazi skyride
Or to drink water nine others have before
The parking lot is beautiful between tides
There’s cotton candy vomit on the shore
Headed to west of kiddieland
Searching for the promised helping hand
Hoping to finally understand
We are now alone to make this stand
Where the hell is kiddieland and how the hell do I get there from here
I’d trade my hot soft pretzel, my present,past and future for a beer
Headed to west of kiddieland
Searching for that promised helping hand
Hoping to finally understand
We are now alone to make this stand
Original recording from Jan.1985